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  • David Richey

Tits and Underwear!




Having been an ardent birdwatcher for 45 years and travelled to many places to witness amazing sights, I thought I'd seen most things.


But this morning, standing in the kitchen wearing nothing but my undies, I observed one of the most extraordinary moments in nature I have ever experienced (no connection).


Forgive the shock of picturing me in underwear, but there is relevance. So, when the smelling salts have brought you round, this is what happened:


There is a blue tit nest behind a hole at the apex of our garage. One of the little ones had just taken that first flight and had landed on the car just outside (a distance of around 10 feet). It was clinging to the tiny gap at the top of the passenger door and clearly unsure of the wisdom of its decision. On a couple of occasions, Mum or Dad dropped off some food.


Eventually, the little one - no more than a round ball of yellow fluff - climbed onto the car roof and decided to take a second flight from there.


However, the flight had not been properly thought through and was not heading anywhere with a possibility of landing. Instead it whirred in panic directly towards the kitchen window behind which I was standing. In that second we genuinely stared into each others eyes, both in a state of horrific inevitability.


And then it happened. Something I didn't even realise was possible, let alone ever witnessed.


Just as the baby was about 4 feet from the window, out of control and heading for potentially fatal disaster, one of the parents came dashing in from the left at a phenomenal speed and, unbelievably, flew underneath the fledgling and quickly lifted it up in one deft movement, carrying it safely up to the gutter above the window!


Frankly, the manoeuvre was worthy of an applaud-winning scene in Top Gun, but I never ever thought I'd see it executed so brilliantly with blue tits!


From the point of take off, the whole event was over in about 3 seconds, but every millisecond seems hewn into my memory like a slowly carved inscription never to be forgotten. Absolutely incredible!


So, why sully this amazing event with mention of my undies, I hear you ask?


Well, be honest, wouldn't your first instinct be to run outside and see if the birds were okay?



It was awfully nice to meet and greet with a "Good morning" every passing member of a local cycle club who happened to coincide passing the driveway of the house with my bursting out the front door in nothing but tight black pants that were clearly not cut for the larger gentleman.


It wasn't exactly the Tour de France, but there did seem to be a lot of them. And most of them smiled rather pleasantly.

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~ Purveyor of Comedy Songs and Stand-up ~

DAVID RICHEY

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